Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back! And He's Got the Buccos on His Mind!

Hello there friends. First I want to thank this Bucco Optician guy for letting me take over his very first post. "I got something big," I told him, "and YOU my friend should be the first to know."

Seems I was chatting with my old pal Bing Crosby the other day. Yeah up here we've got a lot of time to talk, if you get my meaning. Sometimes I wonder if it might be more fun down at the other end, but that's me. Anyways, to make a short story long, me and ol' Bing were chewing the fat about all kinds a things. Yeah, we didn't always see eye to eye in the old days, him being Mr. Clean "No I WON'T join the Rat Pack, and won't you join me in a Christmas Carol" and all that. But now we're like brothers and I said to him, "hey you know, they found an old film at your place a while ago, back from when you were a part-owner of some baseball team that wasn't the Yankees and all, and it's looking pretty good. Show's your boys winning the World Series and everything."

Well, Bing smiles, takes one long puff from his pipe, sits back and says, "well, let me contemplate on that. That was some time ago...over 50 years I believe, if it was a day. Can't believe anyone cares about that anymore. I'm sure they've won quite a few championships since then, you can bet on that."

I told him, "Bing, you won't believe this, but since then they've only won two championships - in all those years.  But the only one people seem to remember is the one from the old days. But even worse than that, your old team has gone almost 20 seasons without even a winning record!"

Well, I never saw ol' Bing so sad. Them big ol' dog eyes got all teary, and he said, "Frank, we've got to fix this. Who do we talk to? Back in my day we had a fella named Frank McKinney, a good businessman from Indiana, keeping an eye on this. Let's go talk with him."

Just then, if you can believe it, who would come floatin' by but Mr. Frank McKinney himself. "Ears were burnin!" he said. Y'all wanna talk, well, here I am!"

"If you're here," said the old Bingarooster, "who in tarnation is runnin' that baseball team?"

"Well Bing," I said, "I checked around and the word from my boys is that you got it half right. There's a new Frank in place, fella by the name of Coonelly. He's the one we need to talk to."

"By Golly," said the old crooner who crooned like a crowin' rooster, "let's just go do that."

And that's how we started on our amazing journey to talk Pirates baseball with Mr. Frank Coonelly, or some guy that might be him but isn't really, so no one should think I am trying to decieve you into thinking that we're talking to the real Frank Coonelly, or even that I am the real Frank Sinatra or that the Bing or Frank McKinney referred to above are the real Bing and Frank McKinney. We're all dead, ok? There is no basis for libelous action here because we aren't trying to deceive you, or even make you think for one second that we're really who we're pretending to be. We just exist in some weird dude's imagination, got it??

Well I digressed a bit there. But in our next post you can join me in our journey to track down and talk with the (not) President of the Pittsburgh Pirates, who is NOT in fact Frank Connelly. We'll call him...hmmm...ConnellyDeFacto (CDF) for short.